Step Away And Get Clear

Posted on November 27, 2011 by

Sometimes you just need to step away and get clear.

I’ve found myself feeling a little guilty lately that I haven’t posted a blog in over a month. IClarity. Yet another amazing pencil drawing. LOVE her work. was feeling like I was supposed to(which is always a good indicator of untruth), or if I didn’t it meant I wasn’t committed. Then there was the other part of my brain, the creative side that said – but I’ve got nothing to say. Which is funny because my mind is always running at warp speed. What I’ve determined though is that I have been spread in so many directions and putting so much of me into multiple efforts that I just had nothing left. Even for something I’m passionate about and enjoy.

Several times in the past month I have sat down and drafted a blog post, only to determine that I wasn’t even interested in reading it – why the heck would you be. I was trying to force it.

And this got me thinking…

What other things in my life am I forcing? And as a result am I delivering something that is less than what I’m capable of or than others- and I deserve?

Are you trying to be everything to everyone and as a result being less than you can be? My teacher and life coach Dr. Martha Beck describes a cycle of play. Rest until you feel like playing and play until you feel like resting. Play is a broad term, it includes all that you’re passionate about, all that drives you. Your play may be your work, it may be your fitness routine, it maybe your spiritual discipline, it may be caring for your family. But whatever it is, you must find the balance in your life and take the time to rest and rejuvenate so that you can be at your best when it’s time to play again.

I’m feeling rested now – so it’s time to play! Game on!

Posted in Gratitude, Life Coaching, martha beck, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Self-Concept

Posted on September 3, 2011 by

‎”How you perceive yourself determines what you think you are able to do and that determines in turn what you will try. So the self-concept has a tremendous effect upon the intelligence of the individual.” -Dr. Arthur W. Combs

There are many factors that create our self-concept and they begin at birth. Factors including gender, race, age, family, culture, social standing, etc. These factors become so ingrained in us that we believe that they make up who we are. When in fact, they only make up who we think we should be. It’s through this lens that we begin to see and judge ourselves.

Every wonder why you don’t do those things you say you really want to do? What’s holding you back?

It’s entirely possible that you don’t really want to do it in the first place. Not only can our self-concept hold us back from trying things, it can also give us false information about what’s really important to us and what we want from life.

We have this crazy battle going on inside our heads. It’s a war between our social self and our essential or true self. The social self is governed by the totally whacked out Ego – that lunatic voice in the back of our head that says we have to be “cool”, we can’t fail, we can’t let anyone see that we’re anything less than fabulous.

Meanwhile our authentic self if miserable because we’re not following our true path. The ego is a powerful force and is not easily taken down. But there are some tricks you can employ to keep it under control. Here are just a couple.

1. Listen to your body. It won’t ever – can’t – lie to you.  If something gives you strength and joy, it’s the right thing for you. Pay attention to how your body physically reacts to a situation or thought. Take your queues from your body not your mind, that’s where your Ego lives.

2. Question your thoughts.  We tell ourselves a lot of crazy things that are not at all true. Yet, we believe these thoughts and they drive our actions. If you really stop and take a minute to ask yourself – is it true? – you’ll find that in most cases it’s not.

As renowned thought work leader Byron Katie says, “don’t believe everything you think”. All thoughts are not true and it’s when we attach ourselves to these thoughts and believe them that we get in trouble.

So, pay attention to what really lights you up and gives you strength. Let go of the self concept that has been created by untrue thoughts and outside influences. Live at your best and scrap the rest.

Posted in Life Coaching, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Sometimes We’re Just Naive and Sometimes We KNOW

Posted on August 12, 2011 by

Thirty years ago I pledged Gamma Phi Beta Sorority and made of pledge of friendship forever. At the time I think is was a nice idea and probably thought I believed the words. But how do you really know. Seriously – FOREVER!? Turns out – Yeah! Forever! Or at least thirty years later.

I’m supposed to be packing and getting ready to leave this morning for a long over due reunion with a group of my “Sisters”. Many of them I have not seen in 25 years. And some that I saw just days ago.

People come and go out of our lives, we learn from them, we teach them, we love them, and we move on. So, thirty years ago when we made that vow it seemed like just words. Today it blows my mind. It feels like yesterday that we sat around the dining room table drinking coffee, reliving stories of “last night”, and planning our lives.

Today we get to sit around the table drinking coffee champagne reliving the past 30 years and planning the next thirty. And what I know now is, it really is forever! How cool is that!

Posted in Champagne, girlfriend getaway, Relationships | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Another Year Older – Yeah!

Posted on August 8, 2011 by

I’m feeling a little reflective this week. I have a birthday coming up and well, it’s cause to reflect.

I’ll never tell you I wish I was 25 again because I’ve been there, and I’ve been here and man am I glad that’s over. I remember reading an article in Glamour back when I was in college. It was a compilation of stories of women in their 40s and 50′s (old people) talking about how great life is at that age and that life gets better every year. I remember thinking, yeah right and what else would you say, you don’t have any choice right? Well, now here I am and I’ll be damned if they weren’t right – it does get better every year.

So, here’s my “going on 48″ reflection on why it’s better to be 48 than 28.

1. I don’t live paycheck to paycheck – that feels good and relieves a lot of stress

2. I have the peaceful life that I dreamed about someday having. The man I chased after is hanging out on the couch with me and the dog I always wanted is sprawled out on the floor.

3. I have a job I love. And not by accident but by choice. I took the risk that’s sometimes needed to find what’s really right in life. I also discovered that what I like to do – I’m pretty good at. Isn’t it cool how that happens:)

4. I don’t worry about what other people think. I’ve learned what’s important to me and sometimes it’s not popular with everyone else, and that’s OK. They can do what’s important to them.

5. I don’t sweat the small stuff. I remember a time when I got caught up in all the gossip and hype and criticism going on around me and I probably contributed my fair share. I don’t get sucked in it anymore, it just doesn’t matter.

6. I have great people in my life. I have always been blessed with great friends and the older I get the better my relationships get. I have friends all over the world. Friends with unique and varied lives and backgrounds. My friends are fascinating. When I was 28 my circle of friends was still pretty small and my circle of influence even smaller.

7. I have great experiences to draw from. It practically goes without saying – but I’ll say it anyway – with age comes experience. I don’t mean, “I’ve been around the block” kind of experience, I mean real living experiences. Seeing things, meeting people, doing things, going great places.

8. I’m at peace with who I am. I still am discovering who I want to be and I’m totally enjoying the journey!

Here’s to getting older and more experienced! Cheers!

Posted in happiness, Relationships | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

How Are You Using Your Voice

Posted on July 31, 2011 by

“They” say there are moments in your life that remain significant or pivotal for a lifetime. The quintessential times of your life. Some say we only experience them a few times in our life, I think that pivotal moments happen for us every day, we just don’t always pay attention.

I experienced one of these moments last weekend when I had the great fortune of attending a U2 concert. I’ve always been a fan, not a lunatic fan, but appreciated the music and universal work of Bono in particular.

First off, the show was absolutely incredible, the stage, the lighting, the sound, the setting, everything about the experience was perfect and everything about it was intentional. As an event planner I am all about the experience. When planning any event the very first thing I need to ask myself is – what do I want my audience to experience? how do I want them feel? how do I want them to react as a result? From that point is where I begin to build the experience it self. Watching the experience of the U2 concert unfold it was clearly evident that incredible thought went into the experience of the audience. The other thing that was evident was that this stage – this tour – was not put in place with a singular purpose. In fact, playing music felt like a means to a greater end. The end being, an opportunity to be in front of millions of people delivering a message in a way that speaks to them. Through their music and the show experience Bono delivers his messages of peace, of universal love, of tolerance and freedom.

Throughout the show the messages appear. Subtle, in the case of world issues and astounding statics of destruction and abuse being displayed on a mega screen prior to the start of the show. Blatant, in the case of stories of suffering and injustice being told through pictures and words. They created an energy that was contagious, an energy that continued to build through the night and touched every one of the 60,000 people involved in the experience.

The gift of an audience, especially the size of the U2 audience is big responsibility. And through history we have seen countless abuses of this gift by people in the public eye. I found it so refreshing and so empowering to see a public figure with such reach using his stage for a positive purpose.

We don’t all have a stage the size of U2′s but we all have an audience. And it’s up to us how we use our voice and how we deliver our message to our audience. This blog is my stage today and what I want you to experience and to feel is the power you have to use your voice – whatever your stage is. Everyone has influence, everyone has reach and the power to make a difference in the live of others. When we recognize this and become intentional about it we can’t help but use our stage in more productive ways.

What’s the message you’re sending from your stage today? What is the experience you’re leaving with your audience?

Posted in intention | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

It’s The Little Things

Posted on July 15, 2011 by

I’m traveling this week on Workation. One of the great joys in my life is being able to explore new places and enjoy the change or scenery. This weeks adventure takes place in Norfolk and Virginia Beach, VA. I’ve been here before, in fact in the same hotel, so there is sense of familiarity.

Sometimes it’s easy to let that sense of familiarity blind you to what’s special about some place or even someone. I’ve decided to challenge myself to see and recognize the little things that make this visit unique and special. So, here are a few of the little things I’ve experience so far.

The sound of ship horns blowing in the distance

Bridges – lots of bridges

The paddle wheel ferry that docks outside my window

Champagne bubbles in my glass

The eclectic pairing of musicians playing during dinner

Crazy great teamwork among class participants

The fun of eating with your fingers

Lavender blooming in the planters along the waterfront

Laughing with friends – old and new

Full moon

Celebrating a friends success

Sincere hospitality

Crystal Light packets – Cherry Pomegranate

All State Mayhem commercials – they make me laugh – check out the Raccoon

What are the little things you might be missing today. Look past the familiar and watch for the “little things” that make today special.

Posted in travel, Uncategorized, Workation | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

The Song In My Head

Posted on July 4, 2011 by

For the past 48 hours I’ve had the same song repeating in my head - Man Who Can’t Be Moved – performed by Xenia on The Voice. It’s a beautiful song and she is incredible. So, I’m not entirely annoyed by the fact that I can’t get it out of my head. Still, it makes me wonder, why is it that some tunes/messages stick and others don’t.

I’m grateful today that the tune/message in my head is a beautiful one. It’s positive, it’s a about love and never giving up. The song makes me smile and I feel happy when it’s dancing around in my head.

Overwhelming scientific evidence shows that the messages that surround us have a measurable impact on our physical body. We also know that through repetition – I listened to that song several times in the past few days – we can embed messages into our subconscious. This is the theory behind daily affirmations. Your subconscious does not know the difference between reality and thought, it only knows that its role is to bring about what the thought instructs.

I’m not going to get into how to do affirmations and all that stuff, there is plenty of literature on that. What I do want to talk about are the messages that we allow into our lives and our subconscious.

If you believe as I do, that all messages – in fact all things – carry vibrations that all interact, then it’s easy to see why a negative message will have a negative effect on your body and positive messages create positive effects. It’s why you feel energized when you’re around happy people, and why you feel zapped when you’re around crabby people.

We all know “that person” who just sucks the life right out of you, they leave you feeling weak and exhausted. Take a moment and think about that person. Why do they wear you out? Likely, the answer will narrow to the projection of negative thoughts and messages. Are they argumentative, discriminating, mean, pessimistic?

They have a song in their head and it’s playing over and over and it carries negative vibrations that are wearing off on you. Your energy can not help but be impacted.

You can however remove yourself from the situation or counteract it with a stronger more positive song. Try this test with me for the next four days.

  • Listen to only positive music, happy upbeat songs
  • Watch only movies or television shows with a fun message or those that make you laugh
  • Turn off the news. That means, TV, Radio, Newspapers, Internet feeds – anything delivering negative messages
  • Avoid those people who pull your energy down
  • Identify one person who always brings you good energy and make a date with that person – suck in their great vibrations
At the end of your four-day experiment pause and ask yourself if you feel any different. Do you feel lighter, more energetic, more happy? If not, you were probably pretty happy to begin with. If yes, then ride the wave and continue to create a more peaceful and positive song in your head. I know the people around you will appreciate the good vibrations. I know I will. 
Posted in Gratitude, intention | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments